Ok.blame the hormones alright. I must say that as far as I am concerned the feelings that I felt are real and they come and go. So what. I challenge any mother out there in a similar or not even a seemingly as rough circumstance to deny they felt the same way. I mean at one point and time I said to my self I would have been better off getting pregnant as a teen. Any girl I knew back in the day that had a baby before 19 is well on life's track, the baby just seemed to be a small detour in life's road challenge. You don't even have to take time off school because some high schools had free daycare and if not it wasn't very hard to find a subsidy for daycare given to teen moms, that cost as little as giving your own free time. Not to mention you were living at home with your parents or in a teen baby mama's house which let's face it at 17 to be living in a house full of girls in your same situation with the right mind set would have been heaven. You can't exactly feel alone in a place like that, right? Whether they are happy or not with the lives they created I don't know hopefully they are, some are nurses and some do hair, some run businesses and some are I don't want know. All I know is I don't' want to travel back in time. I have already begun to create something and I intend to remain on that track, I am not opposed to taking a new road though.
I watched an episode of Oprah a few weeks ago, where woman all of whom seem to be well off, married happy? spoke 'the real truth about motherhood' . Ok so no one wants to be portrayed as a failure and we do everything we can to make everyone think we are doing and feeling better than we are. Showing and expressing true emotions now a days seem to be a sign of weakness. Not much different I guess when your a parent. If your kid is not in every single extra curricular activity created your a bad parent. If you not pulling your hair out over 'how will I ever get Johnny to soccer and Suzy to ballet and be home in time to make dinner'. Hello you have a nanny and did you forget to mention the nanny is the one that is taking your kids to practice and you will meet them there and you had no intention of making dinner tonight, you know the nanny already made it. But you just have to commiserate out loud to the other moms so you don't feel guilty for it. Believe me I am not judging those woman but don't front. These women on Oprah were making me laugh. There was a mother of 2, one under 5 and a baby, admitting to not bathing the BABY for 3 weeks. What did she say. I can understand you not being able to bathe for 3 weeks but bathe your child man please. I know children are hard work but I can not for any reason what so ever and I mean what so ever see why she can't give the baby a bath for 3 weeks, there is 2 of them not 12, What are you doing? Did I mention not one woman on the show was a single mother, now with my impending birth that is a side of things I would have really liked to hear. People are judgemental everyone thinks they can do better in a situation that they have never faced before fine, I am already receiving the judgment I don't like it but I expected it, I will not be bothered to explain to anyone what goes through your mind when you are dealing with this sort of ultimate life change. Everyone is different and sometimes you really have to let them walk in those shoes, not your shoes but their own. Remember when your parents said you won't really understand until your a parent, yeah yeah we said, I know. blah blah blah.
So ok I snapped, and I will snap again. sue me. It's the Hormones.
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